All children seek attention. If children do not receive enough positive attention on a regular basis, they will do what is necessary to get attention through negative attention seeking behaviors. In the unconscious mind of a child, attention is attention. Many children with special needs have an even higher need for attention than a child who is nuerotypical does.
One of the basic needs in life is to receive attention and affirmation from the people around you. When an infant cries and a caregiver comes to meet her basic needs then she learns that the world is a safe place. When a two year old learns to talk and gets lots of praise and attention for it he learns to do it more often because he feels the warmth of praise. When a six year old builds a tower out of blocks and asks you to look at it and an adult looks and comments, she feels the warmth of acknowledgement. When a twelve year old receives an "A" on a math test and he is complimented by a teacher and/or a parent he feels the warmth of pride. When a sixteen year old receives a glance from a peer she is interested in, she feels the warmth of attraction. This goes on and on throughout life.
However, if at any point along the road the positive feelings are not acknowledged on a regular basis, children (and adults, too) will participate in negative behaviors in order to get people to notice them. If praise, acknowledgement, and positive feelings are not regularly given out to children they quickly learn that negative behaviors often bring them a lot of attention. Unfortunately, parents and teachers tend to react stronger, and therefore give more attention to, negative behaviors than positive. Children seems to zone in on those behaviors that get a strong reaction because they know if they do a certain behavior they are going to get a big reaction because it embarrasses you, angers you or is just plain unacceptable and must be addressed. It is important to note that, in most cases; the child is not making a conscious choice to get attention through negative behaviors, but has learned through experience that those behaviors tend to get them the desired attention they seek.
Changing negative attention seeking behaviors to positive attention seeking behaviors can be challenging and time consuming, and it is worth the effort because children who learn pro-social behaviors are more successful in life. Children who learn how to get attention appropriately are much more likely to become adults who get attention appropriately. The most effective strategy for most children in most situations is to ignore inappropriate behaviors, as long as they are not harmful. This means putting on your poker face and showing no emotion, even when you are disgusted, angry, hurt, etc. Then simultaneously you must praise and acknowledge all attempts at positive attention seeking. For some people this may be quite a challenge if they are not innately positive people or believe that children should not be praised for doing what is expected. However, if you want to see behavior change you must figure out how to break the cycle.
One of the basic needs in life is to receive attention and affirmation from the people around you. When an infant cries and a caregiver comes to meet her basic needs then she learns that the world is a safe place. When a two year old learns to talk and gets lots of praise and attention for it he learns to do it more often because he feels the warmth of praise. When a six year old builds a tower out of blocks and asks you to look at it and an adult looks and comments, she feels the warmth of acknowledgement. When a twelve year old receives an "A" on a math test and he is complimented by a teacher and/or a parent he feels the warmth of pride. When a sixteen year old receives a glance from a peer she is interested in, she feels the warmth of attraction. This goes on and on throughout life.
However, if at any point along the road the positive feelings are not acknowledged on a regular basis, children (and adults, too) will participate in negative behaviors in order to get people to notice them. If praise, acknowledgement, and positive feelings are not regularly given out to children they quickly learn that negative behaviors often bring them a lot of attention. Unfortunately, parents and teachers tend to react stronger, and therefore give more attention to, negative behaviors than positive. Children seems to zone in on those behaviors that get a strong reaction because they know if they do a certain behavior they are going to get a big reaction because it embarrasses you, angers you or is just plain unacceptable and must be addressed. It is important to note that, in most cases; the child is not making a conscious choice to get attention through negative behaviors, but has learned through experience that those behaviors tend to get them the desired attention they seek.
Changing negative attention seeking behaviors to positive attention seeking behaviors can be challenging and time consuming, and it is worth the effort because children who learn pro-social behaviors are more successful in life. Children who learn how to get attention appropriately are much more likely to become adults who get attention appropriately. The most effective strategy for most children in most situations is to ignore inappropriate behaviors, as long as they are not harmful. This means putting on your poker face and showing no emotion, even when you are disgusted, angry, hurt, etc. Then simultaneously you must praise and acknowledge all attempts at positive attention seeking. For some people this may be quite a challenge if they are not innately positive people or believe that children should not be praised for doing what is expected. However, if you want to see behavior change you must figure out how to break the cycle.
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