It is another restless night as I look through the eyes of autism shedding my own personal tears. As a professional, I have seen many cases of autism and have helped parents and teachers over the years develop strategies to help their own children. Yet I shed tears because I feel like I am unable to help my own child. I shed tears because the disorganization of autism creates a level of paralysis that no parent can deny-feelings of helplessness.
I remember when I wrote my first ezine article and I described how my toddler at the time helped me move through so many storms within life-helped me accomplish dreams that I perceived I was unable to do on my own. At that time, autism was only an "idea" but never the diagnosis. As I watched him grow over the years, I saw more signs of the disorder and even with a diagnosis at age five, I still felt like I had control of the disorder. Why one might ask? I felt like I had control over my own feelings and emotions. As time moves on however, feelings of helplessness have me paralyzed when I shed tears looking through the eyes of autism.
Two years later I now see what so many parents have stated as to why they "hate" autism. I see why they state that they wish there was a cure to autism. It is not that these parents do not love their child or are not aware about autism; it is the feelings of not being able to help one's child when the disorganization appears to take over their child's life. Things I never thought would happen (e.g. eloping) to my child has happened all because of the disorganization of autism.
So how do I move beyond the tears? Honestly, it is an uphill battle daily. I find myself trying to explain to parents of typical children that my child's behaviors are typical for him as he learns to survive in a confusing world. I remind myself that although my child is diagnosed with autism, autism will not control his life. We work hard daily like so many other parents to make the world seem less disorganized in his little mind. We love him daily and remind him how proud we are of him for just being him. More importantly as a mommy I remind myself that autism is just that, autism. However, my son will always be my son. He will always be the child that I love and who loves me unconditionally. We move together through the highs and lows of autism, but we will not be shaken into a state of fear by the disorganization of autism.
I remember when I wrote my first ezine article and I described how my toddler at the time helped me move through so many storms within life-helped me accomplish dreams that I perceived I was unable to do on my own. At that time, autism was only an "idea" but never the diagnosis. As I watched him grow over the years, I saw more signs of the disorder and even with a diagnosis at age five, I still felt like I had control of the disorder. Why one might ask? I felt like I had control over my own feelings and emotions. As time moves on however, feelings of helplessness have me paralyzed when I shed tears looking through the eyes of autism.
Two years later I now see what so many parents have stated as to why they "hate" autism. I see why they state that they wish there was a cure to autism. It is not that these parents do not love their child or are not aware about autism; it is the feelings of not being able to help one's child when the disorganization appears to take over their child's life. Things I never thought would happen (e.g. eloping) to my child has happened all because of the disorganization of autism.
So how do I move beyond the tears? Honestly, it is an uphill battle daily. I find myself trying to explain to parents of typical children that my child's behaviors are typical for him as he learns to survive in a confusing world. I remind myself that although my child is diagnosed with autism, autism will not control his life. We work hard daily like so many other parents to make the world seem less disorganized in his little mind. We love him daily and remind him how proud we are of him for just being him. More importantly as a mommy I remind myself that autism is just that, autism. However, my son will always be my son. He will always be the child that I love and who loves me unconditionally. We move together through the highs and lows of autism, but we will not be shaken into a state of fear by the disorganization of autism.
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